Sunday, June 28, 2009

A Father's Story

Wow, listening to the news the last couple of days has just been weird. So many celebs dieing. All but Farrah Fawcett had been sick with a sometimes fatal disease. The shock factor is in big affect here. No one can really plans for times like these. As a society we are always devastated by the fact someone has died or passed on. (It doesn't really matter just a play of words really). The bottom line is they are no longer with us. We know that death is coming to us all but we still have not figured out how to cope with it in a healthy way at least most of us haven't.

I felt guilty because my sadness immediately went to thoughts of my husband and how he left this world. In my mind he was much too young (34), not to mention I was not and still am not ready for him to be gone. The fact of the matter is none of that matters because he is gone. No amount of wishing or crying will ever bring him back. What I am doing is sharing his story, our story with you. This is my way of keeping his memory alive. He was a giant to me and everyone who ever knew him. His heart was as big as his smile and there wasn't a thing he wouldn't do for anybody. It didn't matter if he met you five minutes ago, he considered you a friend. My husband never met a Stranger :)
Father's day was last week and to be honest it was just to hard for me to write.

Trying to decide how to start, this is very painful for me. I remember being in my office at work talking to a new client who happened to be a Criminal Attorney. I was sharing with him about the church I attended. He said "I have a client I represent that goes to that church". Of course I asked who being the nosy woman I am at times.:) When he told me the name I nearly fell out of my seat. I was like no way, that's impossible he's such a great guy. He was like yeah he's gonna have to do 5 yrs, my heart broke right there on the spot. Even though I hadn't seen or talked to Aaron in about a year and a half, hearing that news was both shocking and unbelievable. There was no way, college educated, pro-athlete and personal trainer. In my mind I was thinking what could he have possibly done to get in trouble.

When I asked my pastor just to be sure, she said "yes it's true, he goes to this church and he just got sentenced to do time". The odd thing is the month that he went to jail is the very same month I joined the church. So we never actually got to see each other. Pastor Daniels asked me not to say anything to anyone because of his girlfriend (who I also knew) I never got to see her because, well she never came to church after he was locked up. So we never saw each other until the funeral.

When something is meant to be it will. As life would have it when he came home we were put together. Not by a plan of ours, (we hadn't written each other or anything like that. I did send him a Bible through my pastor) circumstances had us helping each other out. He was staying at a half way house and I would give him a ride to and from work every day. It was during this time we got close again. My business was struggling and he was getting back on his feet. The same job as before and the same clients. People loved him and was glad to have him back.

We loved and prayed each other through the rough times. Our love for each other was more than physical it had grown into so much more. Before we ever shared a touched or shared one kiss, our spirits had sored to heights that I never imagined possible. This time there were no barriers and our love had finally landed.

The saddest part about this for me is he loved his children and only got to see them once since he had been home. He tried, I went to CPS for him got records. We wrote letters to the judge. The process to get custody even visitation rights just takes too long, it's not fair. There was nothing he wouldn't do for his two kids. He paid child support plus bought clothes, paid for karate, baseball and dance for his little girl. There was never an argument over money when it came to the needs of his children. We could talk to the kids but the maternal grandparents who had custody would never let him see his kids. One time his son said dad we are going to see the baseball game, Aaron said "good son daddy's gone meet you down there". Sadly the son called back and said "Papa said I can only choose one thing today so we aren't going to make it". I looked in my husband's eyes and saw a man with a broken heart.

I am telling this because it is an important part of who my husband was a s man. His ex threatened that he would never see his kids again and she meant it. The day we told his son about his dad, his first response was "I only got to see my daddy one time". He didn't even cry.
He was only able to share a few hours with his dad in 2yrs. The adults around him who made this crazy choice have to live with the guilt for the rest of their lives.

I want to tell every mother out there no matter what you may think about your kids father, please don't take their dad from them. I am not saying every man is doing what he should. This is not even about the man but the kids. Children need their parents, put aside your differences and give your kids a chance to know both of you.

1 comment:

SGT McClain said...

I know you said I may not like it, but being a father too I have gone thru a similar situation with my kids mother. Without going into too much detail I was supposed to take them on vacation and when we were about to leave she got upset and wouldn't let them go, This is after purchasing 2 rooms at Ceasars Flying my mother and sister out to Cali from DC and driving myself out there in a rental car.

Women can be very vindictive at times and it too me a lot to even want to talk to her after that, but I am glad to say that she and I have a much stronger relationship now and issues like that don't come up anymore.

Its a true shame he was never able to get to that point with his ex. Some people just don't understand how important it is for a child to have their father in their lives. Whats worse is their are so many fathers that don't do for their kids, I don't see how anyone could try to deny the rights of the Fathers that do want to be their for their kids.

I could go on and on about this but I will end now before I get truly upset at 3:50am.