Friday, April 24, 2009

Good bye and Hello

I need to tell you how much you are missed. My life has not been the same since you left me. I often wonder why you that night and not me. I want so very badly for us to get a do over. What we had/have is so very special, it makes me afraid to want any thing else for fear of failure or maybe that's not a good word to describe exactly what it is that I feel.
What I need to tell you is that I never ever let any one love me before. I always kept a wall up, for fear of being hurt. Then you, the last person I ever expected came and despite all of my resistance you kicked down every wall I had put up. The harder i fought to keep you out the more you loved me. I couldn't believe it someone actually loved me and cared about what happened to me. Not because I had something to give you, nope you just loved me because you wanted to. I began to trust that love and we began to grow in ways neither of us had expected.
We became best friends, no judging just loving. Our world began to grow, we shared, supported each other. You used to say we were twins, two halfs that made a whole. I miss our sunday rides on the bike, i miss how you enjoyed food. (LOL) I miss your big arms around me and that beautiful smile of yours. I love you so much and miss you so much. I wish you were still here but your not and i have been struggling with the fact that i am.
I have moved from our home, it's to hard to be there knowing your not. I don't keep in touch with any of our old friends. Your childhood friends were not who you said they were. In fact all but one were very hurtful, your death took everybody by such a surprise no one were themselves not even me i'm sure. I'm not angry, maybe i'll always be a little hurt and disappointed. I have heard that time heals all wounds. You never cared about what other people thought or said, I shoud have taken a page out of your book.

I need to find away to say goodbye to you but not the love that we shared. I don't want to ever forget that together we learned how to love and forgive and to live. I never want to let go of all the dreams we had together the baby that we shared and lost. How we prayed each other through what seemed the worst part of our lives. How God put us together at a time when we both were so broken and needed desparetly to believe that life could be better than what we had seen. I thank you for being the man that I needed. Thanks for the cards,letters and flowers. Thanks for eating my food and making me feel like Chef Emeril :0) even though we both new different. Thank you for never giving up on our love and never letting a day go by without expressing how much you loved us and the life we were starting together.

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